Ask an Expert: Prom Edition

Prom season can be an exciting time, leading up to a fun, memorable experience you’ll get to share with your friends. But the planning that comes along with the big event — securing the right dress or tux, finding a date, organizing the limo — can be a source of anxiety and stress. So, we asked Qiuyuan Liu, LCSW, DSW, a psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, to answer common questions from teens to help ease the process.

Body Confidence

Q: I finally found a prom dress I really like, but then I started looking at prom GRWM videos on TikTok . . . Now, every time I look in the mirror, I just feel like I don't measure up. How do I stop obsessing over looking “perfect”?

A: First, I want to validate your feelings — it’s very common. But try to keep yourself from falling into that thinking trap. Instead of asking yourself, “Do I look perfect in this dress?” think about how you feel when you’re wearing this dress. Then it’s more about the whole person than the body. Also ask yourself if you would judge your friend this harshly. If you saw your friend wearing that dress, what would you tell them? We’re always so kind and supportive to our friends but hard on ourselves.

Going Solo

Q: It seems like everyone in my friend group has a date to prom. I want to go and just hang out with my friends, but I’m terrified I’ll end up feeling like a third wheel all night. Will I still have a good time at prom without a date, or should I just stay home?

A: You should definitely go. Prom is meant to be a celebration, a party. A lot of teens go solo to enjoy the party with their friends. And you can be honest with your friends about not bringing a date. See if anyone else in your friend group is going solo. Then you can coordinate with your friend group to make sure you guys stay connected throughout the party, like planning to get together every hour to take selfies. Make the prom about having fun with your friends.

Pressures on Young Men

Q: I feel like as a guy, there’s this huge unspoken pressure to perform for prom. Like going all out for a promposal, getting a corsage, paying for the limo. It’s a lot of money and it’s stressful. If I don’t do the big, cinematic gesture, does it look like I don't care about my date? How do I show my date I’m excited to go to prom with her when I’m honestly really worried about money?

A: I want to challenge that thought that your date cares that much about the money aspect. I think it’s really more about the effort behind the promposal, like how much heart you put into it. And there are so many meaningful gestures you can do that don’t cost much money. For example, you can give your date a handwritten letter or make her a playlist. For the corsage or bouquet, you can get flowers from the grocery store and make it yourself. And if you’re comfortable enough, you can be honest with your date that you’re really excited to go with her and you just need to do something within your budget. Most people appreciate authenticity, vulnerability, and effort.

Sensory Overload

Q: I have ADHD, and I get overwhelmed really easily by loud music and huge crowds. Everyone says you have to stay until the very last song, but I know I’m going to hit a wall an hour in. Is it OK to leave early? I don’t want to feel like I missed out.”

A: You can absolutely leave early if you need to. And to make things easier, you can plan ahead with your friends. Let them know that it’s your ADHD and not them. You could arrive early together to avoid peak crowds and take breaks periodically throughout the night by stepping into a quiet hallway or going outside for some fresh air before going back inside.

Friendship Hierarchy

Q: My friend group is huge, but only 10 people can fit in the limo we’re renting. Now everyone is fighting over who is “in” and who is “out.” It’s making me feel like our friendships are being ranked. How do I handle the drama of choosing sides without losing my friends before the night even starts?

A: So, this is a pretty common question. But this may not be the only time you’ve encountered something like this. It’s a similar situation to planning who’s coming to a sleepover or a birthday party, trying to plan around people’s schedules and make sure everyone feels included. To lower the pressure, you could draw names randomly like Secret Santa. Or you can make a plan with friends who don’t make it into the limo by organizing group prom photos beforehand or having a big breakfast the next day where everyone can hang out. At the end of the day, your friendship matters more than a short limo ride. Remember, you’ll still see each other when you get there!  

Financial Pressure

Q: My friends are all pitching in for a huge limo and an expensive dinner before the dance, but my family is on a really tight budget right now. I’m embarrassed to tell them I can’t afford it, and I don’t want to be left out of the plans. How do I talk to my friends about this without it being really awkward?

A: This is a very real concern, and money can be a sensitive topic. It can be helpful to first notice the worried thought that might be driving that feeling: “If I tell them I can’t afford it, they’ll think differently of me or exclude me.” But most of the time, close friends care much more about spending time with you than about how much money your family has.

When talking with friends, keep it simple and matter-of-fact. There’s no need to over-explain or apologize — you get to decide how much you want to share. For example, it might sound like: “I really want to go to the dance, but the limo and dinner aren’t in my budget right now. Can we meet there instead?”

Speaking up directly also shows that you do want to be part of the night. If you stay silent, others might assume you’re not interested even when that’s not the case.