How to Manage Prom Anxiety

Prom — the night you and your friends have been waiting for. Between deciding on an outfit, finding a date, and securing a limo for you and your friends, planning for the big event may have your feelings sling-shotting between excitement and worry.

But you’re not alone! Having some anxiety around prom is normal. And there are plenty of ways to manage it so you can have a fun, memorable experience that’s free of added pressure, says Tanvi Bahuguna, PsyD, a psychologist at the Child Mind Institute.

If you feel alone in your anxiety

Dealing with uncontrollable worry as you plan for and experience prom can make you feel like you’re in it by yourself. It may stir thoughts like, “I’m the only one that feels this way” or “No one understands me.”

Dr. Bahuguna suggests keeping things in perspective. “Remind yourself that even though you feel very alone in your anxiety, these feelings are actually universal and a part of many teenagers’ experience,” she says. For many, prom is a first-time, unfamiliar social experience. It is natural to want the event to turn out well.

Consider having an open conversation with your friends about how you feel. You might say something like, “I’m feeling nervous about prom. Does anyone else feel the same?” You may be surprised to find how common it is to feel anxious.

If you don’t feel comfortable speaking with your peers, connect with a parent or another trusted adult. The key is to be open and gain reassurance.

If you feel anxious about what to wear

Worried about how you look in your gown or tuxedo? Maybe you’re stuck comparing your body type and attractiveness to others. The first step to quieting your anxiety and regaining a healthy self-perception is to shift your thoughts, Dr. Bahuguna advises. Instead of thinking, “How does my body look,” ask yourself, “What does my body do for me?” It’s a simple way to celebrate your body, instead of judging it. Think: “I have legs and arms that can dance all night, a mouth that can share smiles and laughter with my friends, and a mind that can capture the funniest of moments.” Wearing an outfit that you feel good in is important. But also remember that your body will work hard in other ways to help you have a wonderful prom experience. Give yourself some credit!

“Self-compassion is a beautiful way to combat criticism, especially self-criticism, and that's been shown to boost self-esteem,” Dr. Bahuguna says.

And if social media is feeding your anxiety around your body, make changes to who you follow. Unfollow or mute accounts that spark comparison and subscribe to those that promote similar body types or features as you. Similarly, interact with content that speaks on body positivity and self-acceptance.

“Remember that social media is a highlight reel,” says Dr. Bahuguna. “People are more willing to share positive content with their followers where it reflects positively on the person who's posting. Diversifying your feed and following content creators of different sizes and looks really goes a long way in helping with your mental health.”

If you’re worried about money

Finances are another stressor that can lead to anxiety during prom season. Sometimes it can feel like everyone else has unlimited funds to spend on clothing and grooming. Keep in mind that the brand you wear matters less than how confident you feel in what you’re wearing. Visit a local thrift store to find a discounted dress or tuxedo. Also, if it’s important to you to get your hair, makeup, or nails done professionally, be on the lookout for prom specials in your area. If you’re comfortable doing your own glam, make it a DIY project!

It’s okay to be honest with your friends about what you can afford. “Coming up with budget ideas for prom with your friends could be helpful. So can engaging in discussions like, ‘This is the amount that I can pay for a limo,’ and having a whole team-based approach,” says Dr. Bahuguna.

If you feel anxious about not having a date

Although pop culture makes prom seem as if it’s all about having a date, that’s not really the case. You don’t need to have a romantic partner or a date that you’re attracted to. It’s perfectly acceptable to bring a friend or go solo. However, it’s normal to worry about how others will perceive you or if you’ll have a true prom experience without a traditional date.

“It's okay to not have a date. It doesn't mean that you’re falling behind in some way,” says Dr. Bahuguna. “Everyone's timeline looks different. It's often quite fun to go with friends. It takes a little bit of the pressure off the day itself.”

Consider looking at prom as a large social gathering with friends instead of a date-centered event. There will be plenty of opportunities in the future to spend special occasions with a romantic interest. At the end of the day, prom is a big party where you can just let loose with friends and enjoy the night.

If you feel anxious about after-party plans

Before settling on what to do and where to go after the dance, chat with your family and trusted friends about your boundaries for the night. You may feel pressured to drink alcohol or engage in sexual activities, but it’s important to know what your limits are. It can also be helpful to discuss things like curfew, where you’ll be going, and whether your parents will need to pick you up or if a friend will bring you back home.

“Having a plan in place with several different options that you can choose from that you’ve talked about with your parents can make you feel like you have a lot more personal agency,” Dr. Bahuguna says.

And when speaking with your family, ask yourself questions like these: What are the family values surrounding some of these big life events and changes? What are my expectations for the evening? How do we make sure those expectations are met? What would my response look like if someone pressured me to drink? Going over these scenarios can help you feel more prepared.

This conversation may feel kind of awkward at first. Who wants to talk to their parents about drinking and sex? But if you’re able to talk to them or another trusted adult about these topics, it can really help you feel more at ease when the time comes.

If you need a reminder about your boundaries the night of, type them into your phone’s Notes app, so you can revisit them as needed. For even quicker access, screenshot the note and set it as your phone screen background. Regardless of the method you choose, engaging in the process can make prom all the more fun. Here’s to a good time!