How to Stop Your Brain From Playing Tricks on You
Writer:
Have you ever thought, “If I don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend by now, I’m probably going to be single forever”? Or something like, “If I mess up during my class presentation, everyone’s going to think I’m dumb”?
If you have, you’re not alone — but it’s just your brain playing tricks on you. These kinds of thoughts are called cognitive distortions, and they can really mess with your confidence, mood, and even how you make decisions.
The good news? Once you learn how to spot them, you can figure out how to turn down that inner noise and realize that a lot of those thoughts aren’t actually true.
1. All-or-Nothing Thinking
This is about seeing things in black and white — either completely good or completely bad, with no middle ground. It can trick you into thinking that if something isn’t exactly what you want, then it’s none of what you want. It can also make you feel like if you don’t do something perfectly, you’ve failed.
Example: “If I don’t make the varsity soccer team, I’ll just quit playing soccer.”
2. Emotional Reasoning
You feel a certain way, so you think it must be true. But feelings aren’t necessarily facts, and they don’t need to define your reality.
Example: “I feel awkward at this party, so everyone must think I’m weird.”
3. Overgeneralization
One bad experience can make you feel like everything is terrible. But if a friend cancels on you, it doesn’t mean no one likes you. If you bomb a test, it doesn’t mean you’re bad at school forever. Try to catch yourself when you start using extreme words like always or never — they’re usually a sign your brain is exaggerating.
Example: “I forgot my charger. I never do anything right!”
4. Labeling
Putting harsh labels on yourself or others can trap you in negative thinking. These labels can hold you back and make you feel like nothing will change.
Example: “I had nothing to say in that conversation — I’m so boring.”
5. Fortune-Telling
When you convince yourself something bad will happen. Then you might act in ways that make it more likely to come true — like avoiding studying because you already “know” you’re going to fail a test.
Example: “If I reach out to this person, they’re not going to want to talk to me. So, why try?”
6. Mind Reading
Assuming you know what others think of you — and that it’s always something negative. For example, if someone doesn’t text back right away, you might think they’re ignoring you. But they could just be busy, tired, or without cell service. It’s always better to ask than to jump to conclusions!
Example: “My friend didn’t invite me to study with her, so she must be mad at me.”
7. Catastrophizing (aka Magnification)
Turning small problems into major, life-altering disasters. Pro tip: In the grand scheme of things, it’s never that serious.
Example: “If I don’t go to this party, my life is ruined.”
8. Discounting the Positive (aka Minimizing)
Sometimes we brush off good things like they don’t “count.” Maybe someone gives you a compliment and you think, “They’re just being nice, they don’t really mean it.” But why not? If someone says something good about you, take it!
Example: “This person said, ‘I love hanging out with you’ because she felt bad or didn’t know what else to say.”
9. Mental Filtering
This involves focusing on the one negative thing despite a million positives. Don’t let that one negative thing control your mood or mindset.
Example: You get 20 nice comments on a post but obsess over the one mean one.
10. Personalization
Making things about you when they’re not. If your friend is in a bad mood, it doesn’t automatically mean you did something wrong or that they’re upset with you. Don’t take responsibility for things you can’t control.
Example: “If I hadn’t demanded so much of my parents, maybe they wouldn’t be getting a divorce.”
11. The “Shoulds”
Thinking that you “should” be able to do something when you’re struggling. Instead of putting unrealistic pressure on yourself, try focusing on being present and accepting things as they unfold.
Example: “I should be able to give presentations in class without feeling anxious. What’s wrong with me?”
What Can You Do About It?
Notice when your brain is being dramatic. Once you spot a cognitive distortion, you can challenge it.
Ask yourself, “Is this actually true?” Where’s the proof that no one likes you or that you’ll definitely fail?
Talk to yourself like you would a friend. If a friend said, “I failed one test; I’m an idiot,” you’d probably say, “No way, you just had a bad day!” Treat yourself the same way.
Lighten up! Everyone has irrational thoughts sometimes. Call yourself out in a funny, nonjudgmental way.
When to Get Help
If these thought patterns are taking over your life and making you feel really stuck, it might be time to talk to someone — a parent, counselor, trusted teacher, or therapist. Your thoughts don’t have to control you. The more you practice recognizing these tricks, the more power you have to take control of your mindset — and your daily life.
