Social media has become so deeply integrated into modern life that it can be hard to imagine a world without it — and why would we want to? It lets us share pictures, stories, jokes, memories, and keep in touch with friends no matter where they are.

While it’s fun to document and share our lives on social media, we can’t ignore the fact that spending time with it can also make us feel sad or anxious — even when we’re not entirely sure why. A 2017 survey in the UK found that young people attribute increased feelings of depression, anxiety, loneliness, and body image issues to social media platforms. And in addition to making you feel bad, living most of your life on a screen can make it harder to engage with people in real life.

For better or for worse, social media is here to stay. The way to negotiate a healthy relationship with it is to be more aware of how these platforms can affect you. Here are a few things to think about:

Comparing yourself to others

The urge to compare yourself to others is natural, especially when you’re still figuring out who you are and what you want to be. Say you want to be good at playing guitar, and you have a friend who’s an amazing guitarist. Watching them play might push you to practice and get better.

The problem is when you start comparing yourself to everyone and anyone you see. TikTok and Instagram can make anyone feel inadequate, like a proverbially lousy guitarist. You might find yourself comparing your body or your face to images that have been filtered and edited to perfection — add likes and an obscene follower count to the equation, and suddenly you feel like you’re losing a rigged competition you never wanted to be in.

Harassment and hate

In addition to fueling insecurity, social media can make people really mean. In trying to seem confident, win arguments, and chase clout, people say insulting things they never would in real life. It’s much easier to call people names when you don’t have to see the look on their face after you’ve said it. The more time you spend on platforms where it’s normal for people to talk about others this way, the worse you might feel — even if the hate isn’t directed at you.

Communication and social skills

When DMs, replies, and comments are your main forms of interaction, face-to-face conversations can feel intimidating. This is because social communication is a set of skills, like knowing how to read a person’s tone, body language, and facial expressions. (A lot gets lost when you only talk via words on a screen!) The less practice you get with these skills, the harder they are to learn and master — and the harder it becomes to actually engage with people.

“It’s easier to keep your guard up when you’re texting, so less is at stake,” says Catherine Steiner-Adair, EdD, a clinical psychologist and author. “You aren’t hearing or seeing the effect that your words are having on the other person. Because the conversation isn’t happening in real time, each party can take more time to consider a response.”

While having more time to think about your words may sound like a good thing, it also means not connecting as deeply or authentically as you would IRL.

The cost of being constantly connected

Everyone needs a break from the world sometimes. But social media makes it difficult to be alone with your own thoughts. Even when you’re relaxing by yourself on your phone, in a lot of ways you’re really not by yourself at all. Thanks to smartphones, everyone you know is always a DM, text, or comment away.

And then, of course, there’s the dreaded read receipt. Always knowing who’s online, when they were last online, and when they read your message is stressful and can keep you in a constant state of feeling rejected or ignored. Such is the anxiety of hyperconnectivity.

“Whatever we think of the ‘relationships’ maintained and in some cases initiated on social media, kids never get a break from them,” says Donna Wick, EdD, a clinical and developmental psychologist. “Everyone needs a respite from the demands of intimacy and connection; time alone to regroup, replenish and just chill out.”

Managing your social media use

Being able to stay connected with friends and loved ones through technology is a beautiful thing. However, it’s important to check in with yourself about how these means of communication can make you feel. For example, maybe you hate how late you stay up scrolling TikTok. Most phones now have a way for you to block certain apps at certain times, so give that a try. And if you love your group chat but the constant notifications are driving you crazy, don’t be afraid to mute the chat and just check back in when you feel like it.

Ultimately, you should be in charge of the role social media plays in your mental health and life, not the other way around.